My friend Rachel did a 1 item March and it was so inspiring! I told myself I’ll do one also (I am scared of this) but I chose the beginning of my credit card cycle, which is in two days from when I am starting to draft this.
I am documenting this {almost} daily and I really hope I will stay the course. My most wanted item right now is The Row Margaux bag in the new burgundy, size 10. My wishlist, however, is full of stuff and I am not sure how I will be able to defer these as top of the list are some CELINE items and those who know me know how much I love Hedi and so this will be hard.
It's two days before, and I am thinking that maybe I should buy something that’s on my wishlist now because you know, I might miss out. Before I even get to the wishlist I see a vest on celine.com and I want it. I decide to wait a bit just because you know..principles, and then when I finally want it, it sold out. I’m not sure if I should feel annoyed or relieved, the two feelings are flirting with each other.
The day before I start. I joy-panic at a text from my Celine CA. But he’s just sharing images from the showroom, nothing available yet. Darn it!! Well, I guess I will just have to see how this entire experiment will go starting tomorrow. Meanwhile I keep refreshing the browser for the Margaux bag in the color I want. There are others available, but not the burgundy. I am not compromising.
First day, early morning, I see a gorgeous Celine dark green cashmere jacket. I stare at it for the longest time. I close the browser and walk away. It still hunts me. I will be brave and resist the urge to add to cart, and then shop. About five minutes later - hopeless, you guys, I couldn’t do it. I bought the jacket.
Unless the bag doesn’t come back in stock, this will be my only item. Shall I upgrade that to three? It’s more realistic, I think? No. Yes. I don’t know. This stream of consciousness is driving me crazy. Does it count that the jacket was a very good price? Ugh.
After I bought it, I went back to the product page to stare at it some more, and it seems that I got the last one. Now I think I was so lucky to find it, and in my size!! The things we tell ourselves..
By the end of the day I want a pair of patent leather Celine babies and close the browser. I’m going out for pizza and hopefully I will forget everything else.
Day 2. I am out grocery shopping at 9:30AM when I receive a message on Instagram that he Row bag I want is back in stock. By the time I saw that it had been twenty minutes, and the bag had sold out. I shrug and move down the parmesan aisle. I really want one of those big parmesan wheels.
I am otherwise unbothered the entire day, until about 5PM when I get a notification to “have another look” at a pair of shoes I left behind. I unsubscribe and then delete the e-mail. I don’t want to know.
The weekend came and went fast, and I didn’t even have time to browse online. It actually felt amazing, even though it’s now Monday morning and I missed the Margaux bag being back in stock sometime on Saturday.
By Tuesday my fingers are twitching with “add to cart” angst. There are so many things flying through my head…
· this pair of Oliver People’s sunglasses
· this other Row bag
· these ROW flats (I have them in beige and love them, so I’m considering the black version as well)
· the trousers I want to spend summer in
· the sweater for cool evenings, which will also go with the trousers above but also with everything else in my wardrobe
…and this is not everything.
I am also tempted by Amazon when I log in to buy diapers for my son, so I slammed my laptop shut and went to Target. Online shopping is helping as much as it is not. I keep thinking back to when I was growing up – how did our parents do it??
Six days in, 7AM, while waiting for my coffee, I open The Row website on my phone and look for “Margaux 10”. It says 7 have appeared in my search, a +2 development from yesterday. I scroll down with the speed of light and OMG here it is!! The one I want, finally, back in stock. I hate cold espresso, but I must add to cart and checkout or I risk losing this yet again! Shopping before coffee is not a good idea – nothing before coffee is a good idea in general, but here I am. After I receive the email confirmation, I start making another coffee and refresh the browser on my phone. It is gone. I am either a late shopper at 7AM, or I got the only one (or one of very few) available. I sigh with relief as I sip my espresso, which has gotten cold again a I was processing this. Off to Starbucks since a sunk cost must be grown before abandoned. Pff. Not sure where the waste lies just yet but I am allowing myself a moment of joy this morning.
As I wait for the elevator, I receive a notification from Matches that the private sale has started and The Row pants and dress I wanted are now 40% off. NO. Just NO. Ok? NO. DELETE. I need coffee and a break from all of this. But as I walk to Starbucks I can’t stop thinking about it and when I get home, I tell myself that I just buy this one thing and I am done. But by then both items have sold out. Looks like I’m not the only one with a shopping problem so early in the day. I’d like to meet this sister and make her my friend. I can only imagine the shopping territory we’d cover together in a sale! Again, the Starbucks has gotten cold as I was browsing to shop “just this one thing”. Sunk cost, my old friend. I give up. Make espresso. I drink it this time without any distractions, and I feel better. I did find my one item I wanted to buy, I bought it, I am grateful. I am grateful for a beautiful morning, for the sun shining, for many things, in general. I must get better at controlling my impulses, but I don’t know how. Oscar Wilde had it right: “The only way to resist temptation is to yield to it”. I am entertaining this as I make another espresso – I yielded.
For the remainder of the time I caved only on one pair of Celine ballerinas I wanted since last year. So my total for the cycle is three items. I take it as a small victory, considering my erratic shopping of earlier this year.
When I am out and go to a brick-and-mortar store I don’t get this impulse shopping thing, which is interesting. I think taking the card out and realizing I’m spending so much on something I don’t need does something to me. So when I got home after a trip to the mall where all I bought was chocolate, I deleted the saved cards from my computer, I removed all cards from apple pay and I deleted a bunch of shopping apps. Over the course of the month I also unsubscribed from many stores. Not all, because I do enjoy the styling ideas I get from my favorite places, but I do get fewer e-mails now telling me what’s “hot and selling fast”.
After doing all of this, I sit in silence for a while and try to have one thought at a time instead of the amalgam I’m usually dealing with. I am surprised and question my own habits – how come I forgot to show up for myself? It’s been so busy I forgot how to be still. Amazing. Anyway.
As I am thinking about my shopping habits, I realize that making a wishlist is enabling me. There were things in there I forgot I wanted, but upon seeing them written down, the craving came back. It annoyed me so much that I deleted the entire thing and started to make two lists: the REAL wishlist, with things I want from the new season to add a spark to my existing pieces or replacement items, and a craving list - as in, things I want right now but that might not be the best idea. My wishlist has two items in it. My cravings list is sparking a headache. I keep it, because I want to see how much I save by not mindlessly shopping. And I don’t know why, but just distinguishing these two things on paper made it very clear in my head as well that they are not to be merged. The clarity of this separation makes the process so much easier for me now. And I feel like my shopping has some purpose to it, it’s not just a want triggered by social media or ads.
To recap, because I prefer lists and bullet points in general:
breathe - allow some space between the urge to add to cart and purchasing
look into your wardrobe and create a wishlist based on real gaps
separate the trends, the hot item, the IT bag into a cravings list, separate from the wishlist above
unsubscribe from shops
delete shopping apps from your phone
delete stored credit cards from your computer
remove ApplePay
create collages or lists with outfits based on pieces you already have
slow down; close your computer / put your phone down and walk away
read a book, watch a movie, browse through some magazines, change your thoughts
think about the last time you impulse bought something - do you love that item? do you still have it? is it working for you and for the wardrobe you want to create?
when finally making a purchase, don’t settle for less - don’t buy a substitute; this habit always costs more in the long run.
The list is nothing innovative. It is the sum of small parts that add to a great result, though. Consistency and small actions will get us where we want - and what we want.
Shopping should be fun, and what we purchase should work for us. I love that giddy feeling I get from wearing something I truly enjoy, and that works in many combinations. I love when things get old with me and spark joy just when I see them hanging in my wardrobe. I want to feel serene when I get dressed in the morning, and not look at my clothes with a “ugh, what was I thinking” feeling. That is very demotivating when trying to get dressed, and I feel like that’s how we keep making mistakes - we keep buying the next thing to go with the last mistake and ultimately it leads to a wardrobe full of clothes and nothing to wear. We can change that, I’m sure.
Happy Thursday,
Dea xx
Omg. This is so relatable 😂 Bought two things this morning on Net-a-Porter because a dress I wanted was back in stock and now sitting here I am kind of regretting it because I really don’t need that dress!! So will heed your advice next time the urge hits 😜
I can’t wait to savor this! I am reserving reading Substack for weekends now— and online shopping too. More to come xoxo 😘